Boss: Hey, have you heard back from Joe in Finance?
Enesbit15: Nope, sorry, I’ll call him again.
Wait, why did I just apologize?
Although I had noticed this behavior of apologizing for something that was not my fault long ago, it was this study that was released at the end of 2010 that has continued to stay with me throughout the year.
In the past I had justified my over apologetic tendencies by saying phrases like, “I’m not sorry because I did something wrong, I’m sorry for the situation.” While this may make sense in life, as this may actually be the case, I began to suspect that this was weakening my reputation in the workplace.
As I was heading into a year of business school, which was bound to be filled with men who never apologized for making a decision, I knew I had to stand my ground and speak with confidence in a clear and concise manner. During the year I was constantly catching the words as they were about to come out of my mouth, tripping up or pausing for a few moments and then continuing on with what I was going to say. I still struggle with it, but I know the habit is slowly slipping away.
The article says that men and women truly apologize for instances in which they feel a wrong has been committed, only that men appear to have a higher threshold for what they deem worthy of an apology. While this may be true, the study did not seem to accurately test those situations where the words just fly out of your mouth; relying on self-observation. It seems that half of the time, we women don’t even know we are saying sorry! I believe the unnecessary apologizing has the unintended consequence of putting us in a inferior light, wiping out the strength of your words and work.
So, ladies, clear voice, chin out and don’t apologize for anything!
