Welcome back my friends, to another episode of Bunim/Murray Presents; The Real World, Running With Scissors! So glad you could stop by! Grab a drink, take a seat and hold on, because there’s really no need for seatbelts, and if you fall off your couch while watching tonight, you’re probably playing one of our classic Project Runway drinking games. In which case, excellent job, my friend. We all should aspire to be as committed to our craft.
So what did we learn last week, my little field mice? Well, first it seems that this season has a few rule changes. The firste is; “In fashion, one day you’re in, and the next day you’re, well, you’re still in, unless you really piss off Nina, but if you’ve done well previously, they’ll give you a pass this time and cut someone no one remembers anyway.” Not quite as catchy as the previous version of the rule, but it’ll have to do.
The next, if you want to drop out of the competition, just do it already. Don’t try to throw a challenge, then drop hints on the runway, while someone who actually wants to be there gets eviscerated and sent home to her little awesome mountain town in Colorado. Which brings us to the next rule…
The last person eliminated is no longer the one who is brought back for the following challenge! So instead of Julie coming back, we got ourselves an encore performance by Non-Gay Mormon Josh, who came squealing with delight into the workroom, all the while thinking about Joseph Smith, sexy men women, and notions. Delightful, delightful notions.
Also, don’t mess with Becky, or it’ll inconvenience you into having to apologize in the women’s rest room in order to get
her back to the sweatshop and she’ll make you an outfit with a really shitty shirt and weird miniskirt. In short, Gay Ryan Reynolds is the bitchiest mean girl to ever be a mean girl bitch. I’m not even going to waste my time talking about his tantrum, other than share that the orange I thought was coming from his tan is actually his demon hellfire shining through. I knew it was something like that.
Last week wasn’t all rules though, darlings, Bert fought with Gay Ryan Reynolds and told him to drop dead, then Ms. Bert argued with Barbie and Colorblind Uniball on the runway, celebrating when they were criticized, and Gay Ryan Reynolds was given a first place. After Bryce was given first place. As well. Hmm. Then Danielle was sent packing. “Who is this Danielle?”, you ask? Exactly.
Oh yeah! So Bryce did good! Good job Bryce, I still don’t like you, but I don’t like you the least of all. Colorblind Uniball also managed to make a baggy, weird pajama set that had both camel toe and moose knuckle, despite it being about three sizes too big for the model, Anya’s actually kind of a mean girl bitch, and OH, Oliver from Ohio can’t run without bruising his knee, and then almost passing out due to said bruise. Girlfriend, even the daintiest queens are laughing at your delicate flower persona. Man up, sister.
So this week? Oh, this week is going to be good. This week, we have an avante garde challenge. It looks so exciting darlings, there are weird paintings! Burning Barbies! Teletubbies going to parties! Cheating?! CHEATING! This better not be a clever marketing ploy, Bunim Murray, I want someone to go DOWN this episode. All the designers’ hostility is really rubbing off on me, isn’t it? Que cera, cera my dears. I’ll see you in the comments!
