Chicken Soup for the Crasstalkers’ Soul

Anyone here not aware of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series of books? It all started innocently enough in 1993 with Chicken Soup for the Soul: 101 Stories to Open the Heart and Rekindle the Spirit. The brief stories were meant to comfort the reader’s jangled nerves. If you had a bookstore, you’d shelve them in Motivation/Inspiration/Self-help. Or maybe in Gift Books. The original editors were Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen.

But after that, it kinda hulked out. There are currently at least 200 titles in print in the series. There are sub-series: Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul has around 14 titles available.

There is merchandising. I know, surprise, right? Dog and cat food (no, really). A game called Count-Your-Blessings. Gift baskets. Calendars. Jigsaw puzzles. Mugs.

There have been parodies: Chicken Poop for the Soul: Stories to Harden the Heart and Dampen the Spirit. Chicken Pox for the Soul. The PC game A Vampyre Story apparently has a library with Chicken Soup for Those Without a Soul.

Once, I was tasked with writing a profile, for the local paper, on a woman who had had a story accepted for one of the books. The lady was very shy, it was a thin, unoriginal story, more bathos than pathos. I’ve never worked so hard to fill out 600 words in my life.

For the stout of heart, here is a list of all the books so far. Selected gems: CS for the Dental Soul. CS for the Scrapbooker’s Soul. At least one title made it to the New York Times’ best-seller list.

One of the editors of the teen books is Stephanie H. Meyer. Not the Twilight Stephenie Meyer, that would have been too good to be true.

So, your challenge, should you decide to accept it, is to come up with some CS titles of even greater hilarity than the real ones. The format is: title, followed by a subtitle or comment. The subtitles/comments form a species of punchline to the title.

Example: Chicken Soup for the Preggo’s Soul: Quick Reads Between Heaves.

Chicken Coops for the Soul: a Builder’s Guide

Chicken Soup for the Politician’s Soul (hahahahahahahahahahahaha, oh god, sorry, can’t st-hahahahahaha, ow, stitch, painful).

Chicken Soup for the Procrastinator (not yet published)

Chicken Soup for Intellectuals (publication canceled due to lack of interest)

Chicken Soup for Emo Kids (publication canceled, because really, what difference would it make)?

Chicken Soup for the Atheist Soul (hey, you never know, there might be a market)

Chicken Soup for Bad Drivers: There, There, It was Totally the Other Guy’s Fault

Chicken Soup for the Scowl: a Crasstalk Compendium

Chicken Soup for The Soup (needs a good punchline, I got bupkis).

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