I must admit that the Angry Birds phenomenon has largely passed me by, due to me being one of the few people in the world who uses a Microsoft KIN phone. Without the appeal of playing it on the hand-held touchscreen for which it was clearly designed, it just seems like a poor man’s Worms or Scorched Earth. But today I learned that my stubborn refusal to keep up with the latest trends in gadgetry and gaming has actually been keeping me safe from terrible harm.
You see, according to this chart by AYTM, as a single male in my 20’s, it is almost a statistical certainty that playing Angry Birds would launch me into a downward spiral of addiction, anger, depression, and destitution. No doubt I would eventually be forced to give handjobs in an alley just to scrape together the change needed to download the latest paid version of the game, which I would then proceed to play for hours on end while alternating between screams of rage and tears of self-pity.
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Infographic by: AYTM Market Research
There are a couple of interesting tidbits in here, but most of it falls squarely into “duh” territory: young men are most likely to buy the game, younger single people are more likely to get addicted to it, and single or unemployed people are much more likely to feel anxious, angry, and sad after playing it, probably because they know they should have been spending that time working on their resume or their OK Cupid profile.
Poor single people can’t even escape reality through video games without faring worse than their hitched counterparts. So, along with all the other useful things this chart teaches us, it adds to the growing body of evidence that being single is worse for your health than freebasing high fructose corn syrup and chain smoking while having unprotected anal sex on a tanning bed surrounded by a pile of radioactive asbestos in the middle of a busy freeway. If you don’t find someone right now, you’re basically going to die. Alone.
Can someone launch an investigation into whether all these studies are being secretly funded by the internet dating-industrial complex?
via Mashable.
