Hello, my lovelies. Your regularly scheduled Project Runway Liveblog hostess is unavailable for normal reasons. There’s definitely no one bound and gagged under my floorboards. Are you ready to do this? Mix yourself a drink, take off your pants and let’s go!
No, they aren’t designing for Richard Gere tonight. Tim Gunn will take the design goblins to a Petland Discounts where they will collect all the kibble and leashes one could need to make a frock for an animated skeleton. Viktor will snipe at one point: “This isn’t fashion! It’s trashion!” Okay, sure. This type of challenge is usually good for no less than three shitstorm designs (which cause us to laugh and yell at our teevees and be all smug and shit) and one utterly brilliant creation (which causes us to ooh and ahh and claim that person is a frontrunner…until they do something stupid next week, and we decide they should be tarred, feathered and shot at dawn).
Are you excited? I’m excited. Also, I can’t remember if we have agreed upon nicknames for everyone? Let’s work on that tonight, okay? Good. Daddy’s going to mix a drink. I’ll see you sweet things in a few minutes.
8:55 – Testing, testing. Can I do this?
8:57 – I can.
9:00 – Here we go. Last time on blahblahblahblah.
9:02 – Josh can really only go up. Guess again, Josh.
9:03 – Oh snap. She said Raphael look like Beyonce!
9:03 – You guys, I can barely remember their names. Shet!
9:04 – The “unconventional” challenge. We love this challenge.
9:05 – Fallene doesn’t take fashion too seriously. That’s good because I don’t take her seriously.
9:06 – “I just don’t want to do it.” Dooo it!
9:07 – Bryce plans to make a wee wee pad garment.
9:07 – “Some…interesting choices I guess.” Never has the word “interesting” sounded so bitchy.
9:08 – HP commercial!
9:09 – Is that one ball? Making the bird seed beading?
9:09 – Bryce is pretty much using all fabric, which is exactly what Tim told them not to do.
9:10 – Of course she had permissive parents that let her draw on the walls! No limits! Ugh, fuck off.
9:11 – Jughead the Mormon feels good. Sure.
9:11 – Travel snob. What is his name??
9:12 – “I’m glad I have immunity. Doo dah. Doo dah.” Ugh, shut up, redemption story!
9:17 – I still can’t believe some of you watch Dance Moms.
9:17 – “I grew up in the theater.” No! You?!
9:18 – Julie doesn’t see any issues with her design. Clearly she is legally blind.
9:19 – “I was raised in an upperclass family.” No! You?!
9:20 – The artsy craftsie chick is so burdened by expectation! Just let her beeeee!
9:21 – How could Anthony possibly have enough time to glue enough birdseed to cover a garment?
9:22 – Poverty joke!
9:22 – “It’s like a Depends dress.”
9:23 – Bert is in trouble with Uncle Tim. Immunity does not = do not try.
9:24 – Jughead feels a lot of pressure, and not just because he has to hide his true self.
9:24 – How does Madonna 2.0 talk with all those cough drops in her mouth?
9:25 – “A mess with a purpose.” That’s better than nothing?
9:27 – “It frightens me because I can tell he’s frightened as well.”
9:32 – “They are very…hm…ugly.” Did I hear that right? I was rushing back from the kitchen, drink in hand.
9:35 – Barbie’s poor model. Her ass is just hanging out.
9:36 – Couture blah blah blah.
9:37 – The two Joshes are gay for each other.
9:38 – Jughead, you went down the wrong road when you got married and knocked up your wife.
9:44 – “There’s hay, there’s hamster bedding, there’s tubing.” Sounds like my favorite bar. Heyoh!
9:45 – “I switched it up.” Ug. Lee.
9:46 – Wow, Anthony’s dress is horrible.
9:46 – “Dangerous eyeliner.” Makeup bear is as yummy as ever. Come to meeeee.
9:47 – “Courtney Love, but with dark hair.” Nothing good can come from that.
9:47 – Damn, look at her puppies. Any Comeback fans here? Anyone?
9:48 – We’re all glad Bryce is self-aware enough to know he doesn’t have a winning design.
9:48 – “Oh my Lord of the Rings.” Amazing.
9:49 – Wow, is Heidi dressed as a Robert Palmer music video girl tonight?
9:54 – Runway time! The lights are on. But you’re not home.
9:55 – O hai Stacey Bendet.
9:55 – Danielle’s is…interesting.
9:56 – Okay, the birdseed dress looks better than I expected it to.
9:56 – Bert just undid everything he gained from last week.
9:57 – Julie’s dress looks like it was made by a 5th grade art class.
9:57 – Bryce’s weewee dress is…not good. It looks like it’s just made of oversized Kleenex.
9:58 – Kimberly says her dress is “architectural.” I feel like it looks unfinished.
9:59 – Viktor’s is kinda hot, I must say.
9:59 – “Wauw. Dat’s just hahhmster behhhhding.” Yes, yes it is.
10:01 – Joshua’s top looks like macrame.
10:02 – Backstage gossip.
10:08 – Bwahahahaha. You suck, Bryce.
10:09 – Birdseed dress is really amazing. They love it.
10:10 – Anthony’s gonna win this, right?
10:11 – Olivier’s is solid. They love it. I still think Anthony will win. As they said, he was the only one who used seeds.
10:12 – Jughead is in trouble. “Too much of a normal material.” “The word for today’s challenge is ‘unconventional.'”
10:14 – “There’s nothing fashion about it.” Burn.
10:15 – Oh so they like GRR’s? I seriously see macrame when I look at that.
10:15 – “Hippie chic.” No no no no no no.
10:16 – Oh good, they hate it.
10:16 – Did you just see Gay Ryan Reynolds (GRR) smiling at their criticisms of Fallene?? He is such a catty bitch. I love him.
10:19 – “I wanna pee all over those weewee pads.” Damn, Heidi.
10:20 – Really? They’re going to dock him because of the length??
10:21 – Come on, Heidi. Fight harder for Anthony!
10:27 – Fuck. I can’t believe they chose Olivier. Ugh, I hate Nina Garcia so much.
10:28 – How is Bryce safe right now?!
10:29 – Jughead is out.
10:30 – I don’t know where the judges get their drugs, but someone find out for me, okay?
10:31 – I want a Tim Gunn hug.
10:31 – Teamwork next week! Bitchery time! Is that a Kardashian I just saw as the guest judge? Shet!
Thus ends episode two of Project Runway. Thanks all for a great liveblog! See you next week!
