Arab Spring? Thai red-shirts? Student protests in Britain? Pah! As Tony Kornheiser has been telling everyone for years, it’s the animals that governments should be worried about! Here are some critters, both great and small, that have stood up to The Man.
(1) Elephants in Bangladesh, June 2010: To protest people moving into their migration corridors, Bangladeshi elephants have raided residents’ paddy fields and fruit trees. All you need to know is in this sentence:
“I’ve seen an elephant snatch a torch from a man with its trunk while we were driving away a herd and throw the flame on a house, setting it on fire,” said Luise, age 51.
(2) Swordfish puncture oil pipeline in Angola, February 2010: In what is more proof that perhaps looking into alternate energy sources is a good idea, swordfish again attacked an oil landing pipe, causing a three-day delay to tanker shipments. Though it’s not as if they’ve never done it before:
Swordfish have hit Angolan crude oil loadings before, including Plutonio last year, traders said.
(3) Dolphins block Somali pirates, April 2009: As a Somali pirate ships were about to attack Chinese merchant ships near the Gulf of Aden, thousands of dolphins suddenly leapt out of the water, blocking the pirate ships from getting near the merchant ships. As we know, those pirates don’t mess around. Just sayin’.
(4) Greek Riot Dog(s), 2008 through 2011: What would a rebellious animal post be without mention of the Greek Riot Dog? Actually, it appears that there are multiple Riot Dogs: Kanellos (said to have died in 2008), Louk and Loukanikos. For the past few years, they’ve joined protesters at nearly every rally in Athens, tear gas be damned.
The dogs have a tumblr. Kanellos even has a song, though he seems to be more of the Rage Against the Machine/System of a Down type.
(5) The Great Hamster of Alsace v. France, June 2011: Though they decided to go through the system instead of against it, what a glorious victory it was! With the hamster population at under 200, the European Commission brought a lawsuit against France, claiming that French agricultural and urbanization policies were insufficient to protect it. The Court of Justice of the European Union ruled on June 9, 2011 for the Great Hamster, holding that indeed, France had failed to protect them. [Insert Monty Python reference here.]
(6) Animal Escapees: While the previous animals stood their ground in blazes of glory, others chose quieter protest methods. This mostly involved running away from humans who wanted to eat them, such as:
- Butch and Sundance, British pigs who while being unloaded from a lorry at an abattoir (American translation: slaughterhouse) in 1998. Courtesy of the Daily Mail, they lived the rest of their lives
hacking phonesin an animal sanctuary. - Yvonne, the outlaw German cow who is still on the lam. She was ordered to be shot on sight after nearly colliding with a police car. Heat seeking cameras have failed to find her and not even the prospect of a booty call with the George Clooney of bulls could lure her away from her not George W. Bush-style freedom.
- Kayli, an American cow who broke away from a holding pen at a “live kill” market. She was soon lassoed by a slaughterhouse employee, though not after running into a car and causing minor damage. Not as lucky as her German brethren Yvonne, alas, but she will live the rest of her live at an animal sanctuary.
