Now that the end of the world has come and gone it is time to get back to our occasional forays into the wingnut verse. Today we are going to explore the FEMA camp conspiracy theory. That way The Man™ won’t get the drop on you, and you and the family will not be like Harry Dean Stanton in Red Dawn.
So what exactly is a FEMA Camp? Well according to various conspiracy theorists, the Federal Emergency Management Agency has elaborate plans to round up and imprison dissidents to silence political and religious dissent of right-wing Americans. Why would the government do this? Because Americans will naturally resist the tyranny caused by the socialist/fascist government who is planning to sell us all into slavery to global elites (or the Anti-Christ if you live in Utah, Oklahoma, or Georgia). Then the remaining population will be easier control so that they can move on to the final plan of… Well, the story kind of peters out here. No matter, tyranny, even the completely made up kind, must be resisted.
Need proof? How about this:
- FEMA actually exists.
- FEMA has emergency powers because it operates in emergencies.
- FEMA owns things like trailers and transport trucks.
- FEMA does not let right-wing loons wander around their facilities with video cameras without permission.
- FEMA has something called “Emergency Plans” that are difficult for morons to understand.
- FEMA refuses to answer ridiculous questions about moving 25% of the US population to Missouri even though obscure bloggers want to know.
- The president is black.
Still don’t believe me. The proof is always on YouTube.
We must resist! How? Um, vote for Michelle Bachman? The wingnuts are a bit fuzzy on this part. Resisting the NObama security apparatus seems to consist largely on posting cranky comments on articles about Ron Paul on Salon, making crappy IMovie montages with lots of Hitler pictures, and being that asshole who shows up at the city council meeting packing a side arm. We should probably be glad they don’t have more concrete plans.
However, as easy as it is to make fun of the folks who make these videos and post these crazy ideas, they underscore a troubled relationship between Americans and their government. A belief that government emergency services are some kind of nefarious plot against ordinary people makes it difficult for authorities to provide needed services in actual crisis. FEMA’s real problem isn’t that it exercises too much control during emergencies, but rather that it seems to lack the ability to assert enough. In an era of increased threats from terrorism and climate change, the last thing emergency agencies need is suspicion and resistance from the people it is charged with assisting. While the FEMA camp story may be a useful narrative for far-right pundits and politicians, it is a destructive one for the country as a whole. Heck of a job, Brownie.
