Hello, dollink. Can’t talk long. Something about the Battle of The Bay. They’ve already looted London Drugs and Holt Renfrew. No, I don’t know why, Holt’s doesn’t even carry Axe body spray!
In any case, never let it be said I left you without your gossip links in a time of crisis. So read and enjoy and tie a yellow ribbon dress around the old oak tree.
Anon and On: what’s everyone’s favorite digital anarchist hive mind up to lately? Only announcing its one year plan to change the world. Yeah, good luck with that. Also, who the hell takes marketing tips from Stalin? (raincoaster)
Taste the Biscuit: whatever it is, it tastes like 70?s synth-jazz and looks like your grandparents playing a set of Iron Maiden at Walmart. (Manolofood)
Barefoot boy revealed: did you guess our long-toed stranger correctly? Check out this fabulous, completely imaginary prize! (Ayyyy)
The Fellowship of the Blind Item: can you guess which LOTR star came on to Sean Bean and got a soaking instead of a tumble? (Lolebrity)
Favorite Movie Soundtracks: what’s yours? Oh really? That’s not as good as mine. I mean, mine is pretty obscure, and you won’t have heard of it, but I bought the soundtrack before the script was even written, back when it was an independent comic and…OW! WHY’D YOU HIT ME??? (Crasstalk)
Spandex is a privilege, not a right, Ke$ha: nobody wants to see your elephanttoe, girl, particularly not with shiny highlights. (AgentBedhead)
Anthony Weiner is a wolf in she’s clothing: and really, anything I could write after that is superfluous, no? (BusyBeeBlogger)
Vanessa Hudgens has apparently hired Anthony Weiner as her stylist: why yes, my laundress always does the ironing in skivvies and four inch heels, doesn’t yours? You must not work in Congress! (CelebDirtyLaundry)
Get to know Christian Bale in the Biblical sense: good heavens, clickbaiting? MOI? (CelebVIPLounge)
Ahnold’s babymama is apparently the dumbest person on Earth: how’d you like to start out in life with those two as parents? A condom full of walnuts and an obese plastic surgery addict who does for free things that any self-respecting mistress charges for. (EarSucker)
You’ve gotta get up pretty early to put one over on Kim Cattrall. And while you’re up, you’d better mix her a drink if you know what’s good for you. (FitFabCeleb)
Luke, I am your mother: Natalie Portman spawns successfully! Even I can’t snark on a newborn baby, so that’s all there is to this headline. Awww. (GirlsTalkinSmack)
Five bucks says Joss Stone arranged this: kidnap/murder plot exposed. In other news, Joss Stone still exists. (HaveUHeard)
Liquid Dancer will melt your brain: this man makes Michael Jackson look like Jerry Seinfeld on the dancefloor. (HelloGiggles)
Check out John Edwards’ OKCupid pix: oh wait, that’s his mug shot! God, aren’t you sad you didn’t get to vote for this show pony after all? (HollywoodHiccups)
Justin Timberlake enjoys smoking weed to turn his brain off: the rest of us just listen to his music for that. (INeedMyFix)
WHY did I forget about this Great Dane? And why did I forget I was going with the colon format on these damn links? Because he’s so hot I got discombobulated, that’s why. (SwoonWorthy)
Oh great: Kate Hudson snares another sucker. Start the countdown to the breakup and heroin rehab. (TheSkinnyChic)
Selah.
