I swear he looks like the Bob Barker of the GOP. Right? Shouldn’t he be standing on a sound stage saying something like, “Well, Mary Ann, you’re right! That fabric softener is $2.99! You’ve won a brand new car!” I think so. I totally do not see him as a serious presidential contender.
And for Romney, this is part of the problem
Romney has formally announced his candidacy for president moments ago, wherein he stated that “Barack Obama Has Failed America.” Yawr, okay. This is what they all say. Couldn’t you have come up with something more interesting like, “Barack Obama Has Sold America to China for a fleet of Electric Cars and Donald Trump’s Delusions of Grandeur.” Romney joins former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, former Minn. Gov. Tim Pawlenty, businessman Herman Cain, former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson and Texas Rep. Ron Paul as this year’s current stable of GOP dancing monkeys.
In addition, Rick Santorum, the man with the worst Googleable name in the history of names ever, plans to announce his bid on June 6. Just that alone, and his penchant for making offensive statements about gay people, African Americans, women, and Muslims just ratchets up the crazily, obscenely ridiculousness of this whole thing, and provides Jon Stewart’s Political Indecision 2012 gag with more fodder. There is just so much that will be said. History making I’m sure. But we can’t stop now!
Are we having fun yet? What could we do to top it? I know. If you’re like me, you’re also waiting to hear what epic brain sauce Rep. Michele Bachmann has planned to let dribble out her speaking-hole shortly, as she also plans to clue us in on her White House Intentions in the coming days. Will she look at the camera while she does so? Probably not. But she may decide that your culture isn’t cute, because that’s what presidential hopefuls do…they say just the darndest things!
I’m not sure what we’re missing…oh, yes, there’s Sarah Palin, now on her rock ‘n roll bus tour through the east, eating pizza with reality stars, going to see national monuments, using her daughter as a paparazzi landmine, and wait…just wait…did someone say 911? No, but former Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani thought you did. He’s going to New Hampshire on Thursday causing some tongues to wag about his presidential plans. Really? You again? Really? Well, okay. The circus is nearly full, though.
So with the swath of political talent we have here which includes a couple of dudes who may or may not have cheated on their spouses, another guy who claims there’s “duck hunting in heaven” (Wabbit Season!), a couple of ladies whose brain flatulence could power a lawnmower, several people no one on the planet has heard of, and a businessman who never held office, but did run a pizza chain…just what could be the fly in Mitt Romney’s ointment. Mormonism. Yes, what is considered “Mormonism’s doctrinal oddities,” could definitely damage his credibility despite his conservative allure. Can’t you just see one of those fantastically overqualified individuals mentioned up above making some crack about Warren Jeffs and Polygamy? I can. I definitely can. And that may possibly rally the Evangelicals who have specific theological disputes with Mormonism, but serve as a large part of the GOP’s base.
So, Mitt as you announce your intent to run, rest assured that your group of fellow Republican hopefuls are already watching Big Love and setting up their playbook despite of any of their own foibles or prejudices. What will you do to convince the base you’re more than just a primetime news special, fella?
This should be interesting.
Top Image by Donkey Hotey via askmarion.com
