An Open Letter to the Brown Family

Dear Brown Family,

Artist's rendition

I was commuting to work today and I noticed there were suddenly four houses for sale on a street in my neighborhood. I couldn’t help but think of you and the children. I understand that Texas is a little further from Utah than your current new home in Nevada, but I wanted to plead my case to you on this issue since I believe it is in everyone’s best interest that you have more options than what you’ve been presented in the Season 2 finale of Sister Wives.

First off lets talk about employment. Kody’s opening line on the show’s credits is “Love should be multiplied, not divided.” I can completely get behind this. I would like to remind you of one of the Universal Truths I have come to know with all my heart: There’s no Romance without Finance.

Google doesn't lie

The unemployment rate here in Texas is around 7.7% whereas the national average is 8.7%. Not convinced? The Nevada unemployment is currently at 13.2%. Given that you and Janelle both just lost your jobs, and that Meri had also lost hers recently, I would suggest that you consider not living in an area where the economy is so dependent upon the luxury spending of others.

Mormon Temple Dallas

Next up is religious tolerance and the presence of a Mormon community.

There are tons of Mormons in Texas. Now, understandably, your clan isn’t the type to have a giant compound at Eldorado, and there’s already some groups down in Austin having trouble distinguishing themselves from the Yearning for Zion folks to the non-Mormon community. I’d suggest you roll up into Dallas where even Mexicans are embracing your faith.

 

 
 

Next up: The proximity of these homes to one another. Lets review them on a map.


View Brown’s New Homes in a larger map

Please note also the relative proximity of these homes to a CiCi’s Pizza location. This could be very handy for a large family that has many mouths to feed but limited sources of income. That’s probably why it’s doing so well in that location. I would be happy to provide the entire Brown family a night on me at CiCi’s so you can try it out No Strings Attached. I won’t even make you watch any video tapes on the Gay Agenda or try to win your vote on Gay Marriage. Though that’s mostly because it’s not even on the ballot yet down here.

¿qué poder!

I look forward to seeing the caravan arrive soon in my town. You can skip real estate agent fees and don’t even get me started on how quick the local labor could put you together a giant house for all the Browns to be back under one roof. It’s amazing what Mexicans can do.

Sincerely,
-NSDS

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