Crass Gossip: Monday Edition

Irony: Not drinking during the St. Patrick’s Day parade the day before to avoid a hangover, and your allergies wind up kicking your ass all day. I hope everyone in the library is enjoying me blowing my nose and/or sneezing every two seconds.

  • More Duggars! This time it’s not Michelle (woman has got to give her uterus a rest), but the oldest Duggar’s wifey is popping out her second. They also announced they’re planning a home birth. Hot. [Link via People]
  • Usher has a SEX TAPE!! I love celebrity sex tapes. I made friends freshman year in college by announcing I had Paris’s sex tape. Everyone was always like “This sucks” after watching though. That was such a bad sex tape. Actually, Kim’s sex tape sucked too. Tila’s sucks too. Kendra’s was kind of sad. (All links are NSFW/NSF-LIFE!!, obviously. Enjoy, pervs). Maybe I don’t love sex tapes anymore. Usher and his wifey are reportedly both “givers.” Based on the way he mooooves, the sex has to be good. Right? Right?? [Link via TMZ]
  • Kimora Lee Simmons’ eggo might be preggo again! The detective work in this article revolves around whether she’s really just post-baby bumpin, or new-baby bumpin. I like babies, so I’m hoping for the latter. [Via Bossip]
  • Paps “sneakily” got pictures of Coco topless in her backyard. As the article says, if you believe this, I got a bridge to sell you. Coco’s chichis make my eyeballs burst. Slightly NSFW (or for a library for that matter..awwwkward!) [Link via MTO]
  • Richard Hatch, the dude from Survivor and current Celebrity Apprentice contestant, is back to prison for not paying his taxes. He’s already spent 3 years (!) in prison for not paying taxes on his original $1 million prize. Wtf, people – just pay your damn taxes. [Link via TMZ]
  • Lindsay: Quit smoking! Back to New York. Soooo stressed by the paparazzi. Pulled over for blowing a stop sign. Fires her management. Is it just me, or are gossip sites reaching for straws with this chick?
  • I saw a lot of you watched the Rebecca Black video. Not sure if this has been posted already, but she’s apparently part of some agency that will basically make a music video for your fame-ball wanna-be-starlet kids. Um, sex tapes are free, dude. [Link via Blackbook]
  • Is it just me or does Miley look a little wastey-face here? Oh she’s just being Miley! (ba-dum-dum) [Link via Perez]
  • Gross? Someone tried to snap a picture of Jakey Gylenhaal taking a leak at SXSW. Jakey apparently got all mad and bad. That’s hot. Also, who wants a picture of peeing peen? Don’t answer that. [Via Socialite Life]
  • Ryan Philippe might be a daddy again, according to model/actress Alexi Knapp (Alexis, darling, your 15 minutes starts now). They dated (pre Amanda Seyfried), she’s pregnant, blah blah blah. Shit, I’d want Ryan to be my baby daddy too. [Link via ONTD]
  • K-Fed and Britney: co-parenting! Here’s pics of K-Fed, Brit-Brit and her boyfriend Jason Trawick attending Sean Preston’s pee-wee baseball game. This is pretty cute, but should I not comment on the elephant in the room that is Kevin Federline? Damn, homie. [Link via DListed]

Okay, I’m dead. Volunteers for the rest of the week?

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